Does Tila Tequila really reak of "slut-skank?"...

   I guess so. 

   First off, amazing Christmas, despise the fact my sinuses are off the wall, and can't hear half of what I already couldn't hear. I got amazing presents, stuff I actually like, and my mom  loved her things, which made me feel ten times better. 

   It's odd to think that this will be the "last christmas" "home". 

I'm all about you babe..

UNDERSTATEMENT OF... FOREVER: BOYS ARE STUPID.

  ... but you still gotta love em :)

As the time ticks by..

   So I've finally figures out why it take me so long to throughly clean my room, (or any task at that matter.) It's becuase I get so distracted and start to reminis, about the littlest things. Today I'm beginning the mass break down and build-up of my room, and I started first with my vanity, (which is yet to be done...) anyway, and I'll come across something so miniscule, but I'll have to text whom ever gave it to me and be all "Hey, remember this?!"

  I'm guessing I'm going to be the most emotional and sentimental elderly person ever. 

  Kate Nash is pretty much right about everything by the by... Jordan Sparks however....

Awh well,l back to my mad man mess.

It's an inevitable part of the grieving process...

   "The emo phase." Broken hearts dont happen often, but "the emo phase" does. Everyone gets into those moods where you just want to be alone, listen to music, and do something non- productive. 

   You know it doesn't help it when people tell you to "Get over it." How is telling someone to "GET OVER IT," going to help them in anyway.. I'm dealing with it. I'm allowed one night of sadness if I want. 

    In all honesty, emo night never help. They actually tend to make things worse, becuase then you start to over analyze things. Oh my, and the absolute worst thing, WORST thing, is when you turn on some music and put it on randomize (that devilish mode, that knows just how to hit you when your down), you always end up listening to every sad song, or any song that reminds you of that one person, that your trying to forget about.. 

    I'm already feeling a bit better, but still there's this part inside me that just wants to drive over to his house and cal him to come outside, run up to him, jump on him, and kiss him, haha.

"I love him, but everyday I'm learning all my life, I've only been pretending. Without me his world would go on turning, a world that's full of happiness that i have never known."

"Beauty queen of only eighteen, she had some trouble with herself, he was always there to help her, she always belonged to someone else...It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along. My heart is full and my doors always open, you can come by anytime you want."

"Cause baby I'm not alright when you go, I'm not fine. Please be all mine. I never want you to go, becuase I am all yours so please be all mine."

"Don't It always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till' it's gone.."

"That's where I want to be..to be."

Don't it always seem to go..

..that you don't know what you got till' it's gone. Thank you , Joni Mitchell. It's an oxymoronic thing, love is. It can be terrible, heart-retching, sorrowful thing. But on the other hand, it can be positively lovely and blissful. 

   You know in movies like Click, with Adam Sandler, (I've never actually seen it but I know the gist of it,) where they somehow get this remarkable power to freeze time, or rewind, or fast forward it. And they go through stages of the movie, were first there amazed they got this power.. and then they get really into it and play with there new profound toy, and then something hits them and they realize how this is affecting them and there loved ones, so they somehow out aside the magical friend, and return to there real life, happier then ever...

  BULL SHIT MY FRIEND.

  You know very well if that ever happened to you, you'd use that shit non-stop.  Why? becuase as humans, we are some curious creatures, by nature. So, you'd freeze time just when you get in those bored states, just to play around, and do the occasional pose people in an odd position so when you unfreeze you can laugh your bum off at them. Fast forward, to see what your life is going to be like. Are you successful? Married? Living with your mother? And then my personal favorite the rewind factor. I know I'd often use that one, just becuase I could. I mean think about you could stop, rewind, and redo something that you know is terrible and wrong of you. You could stop yourself from hurting someone else too...

  Now, I'm rambling about personal matters, which isn't much entertaining, for any of you who might read this, and for me who will go back and re-read these pointless mini-memoirs. 

  People with English accents do seem eloquent don't they?

Oh how true Blink 182 CAN be..

  Some girls do try awful hard.. I tend to be one of those. With guys anyway. I always ..push, to hard.  I don't know. I always strive to be that ..witty girl. Like ok, for those of you who watch Gilmore Girls (guys included). You know Lorelei Gilmore, the all around sweet, sarcastic, totally fuckable mom? Well, she's never toungeless.. (no sexual pun intended), she always has something witty and clever to say, never at a loss for words. That's what I want to be the girl who is gorgeous and classy, stylish, but still has that sarcastic flare about them. Oh, what a distant dream. Instead I'm the loud, crazy, ODD girl..

   Speaking of odd, man, I do have an odd bedroom.  Just, a weird setup I suppose. Curtain doors or my closet, winter hats over my lamps, my mattresses are on my cleverly hid closet doors on the floor, lanterns in corner of the room, my tissue box taped to the wall.. yes, TAPED TO THE WALL. Weird right? I can't wait to see what my future house looks like. Imagine, I do this to 4X4 box of a room, let's see what I do to a whole house.

  That's so weird to think about.. I'll have my own house someday.. HOPEFULLY with a husband, But eh, can't complain to much yet. Although I've always thought that, that whole 40's 50's housewives thing was kind a rockin' idea. Just some aspects of it though, mostly the clothes and hair. Dresses..always, big skirts, pearls, huge..HUGE flipped hair. I also wouldn't mind the whole sleeping in a different bed from my husband. Haha, they did that right? Lucy, and June Clever? Beautiul, KICK-ASS women my friend.  How swell?